I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there is glitter all over my balls
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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