For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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