According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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