You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
