omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
