Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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