New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
