i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
