If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
