so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
