he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
