she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize