Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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