now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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