No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize