I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
