Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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