We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
