I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
