the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
