My sheets look like a crime scene.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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