we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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