I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
