I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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