i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
