I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
