real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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