that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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