I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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