is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
