drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
