im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
