are you still at the devil's house?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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