A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
