Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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