wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
