I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
