I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry about my life...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
