Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
