Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
