What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
