is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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