cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
