she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
