i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
