He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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