dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
