I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
