Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
