Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
