maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
