no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
