Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
