i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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