I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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