I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
