Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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