Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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