craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
