Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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