I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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