I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
