So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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