I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
