Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
