I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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