i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
